No Chevy Chase but still fun never the less. Honeymoon in Europa was the shit! Started in Amsterdam and water infused cities became a theme that we hadn’t planed on yet re-occurred in every spot we hit. Amsterdam was sick, super organized infrastructure with friendly hospitable people throughout. More bikes than people, makes sense to me, cyclists rule the roads there and are treated with respect. As much as the new imposed cycle lanes suck balls for drivers in Vancouver, I hope that we are able to utilize the opportunity and create a culture around them.
So I partook in the greenery offered in the cafes along the canals to receive a creative outburst after a torturous bout of self doubt and self questioning (weed hasn’t agreed with me in 10 years). I snuck off to the bathroom to record an infectious melody I couldn’t get out of my head. Thought the drug thing that worked so well for the Beatles had worked it’s magic on me. Nope. Didn’t sleep that night thinking of what a mess I’ve made of myself and when I put on my melody from the night before it was to the tune of “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” with a shitty beatbox… haha, no more smokey for me. Off to Bruges.
Bruges was kind of a mini model of Amsterdam. Medieval town that has been around forever. Based around canals again (see the film “In Bruges” if you want to peep the aesthetics). There was a bar called “Beer Wall” and that spot is sooo much trouble. Belgian beer is number one, all day everyday and I will fight you if say any different. Literally bite your face off and speed bag punch your yarbles. I couldn’t sleep one night, wandered down the road and had an amazing sing along with a Kuba Ohms look -a-like from Casablanca in front of a small Turkish restaurant. The owner gave us free beer to keep playing. We sang drunken songs until the neighbors complained. Beer, chocolate, and beauty – I will be back Bruges, I will be back for all of that.
Nice, France. Nice is ridiculous. One main strip and there were wedding parties in cars going up and down the drag honking and carrying on. Tons of weddings as it was a beautiful Saturday in Nice. Wicked. We paid to hit the private beach and it was worth it. Felt foreign having to pay for a chez lounge and a towel but it was sweet to lay in the blazing sun of the Cote d’Azur in front of the Mediterranean. We took the train through Monaco and made it to Italy for our exercise regiment of the trip as suggested by Craig Northey – amazing advice Craig, thank you.
Cinque Terra Italy is the truth. It’s like a winding horizontal version of the Grouse grind atop paradise. It’s a 10 km hike above the Italian Riviera amongst 5 rustic towns and has yet to be touched by McDonald’s, Starbucks or a strip mall. I believe it’s one of the last places to have five towns without a Wal Mart. Go there. Shit is unreal, wish we would have stayed another night.
Venice. Venice is as beautiful as any picture ever taken of it can attest to. It’s that beautiful person who can’t take one bad photo. Super wasted, puking with hair in the toilet? Still charming with bravado as the porcelain reflects it’s astonishingly encapsulating perfect high cheek bones… but the tourists ruined that spot for me. It’s the hot broad who photos well that just wants your money if she doesn’t know you or you don’t know her. We didn’t really know where to go or what to do to escape the claustrophobia and ended up feeling hustled all over the place. One really good dood from a gelato spot that kind of made it all make sense for me and some pink grapefruit champagne drink with cold fruit cups were also the jump off.
Ibiza Spain. Didn’t go there to party, really just to chill by the beach and catch the R and R. Looked into the clubs and they were 60 Euros to get in plus 15 a pop for drinks. We decided to spend that money on co-ed strippers we ordered up to our room to dance for us and do our laundry instead. Jokes. We did go all inclusive and Evil Kyp did make an appearance. Why must the evil one always try to prove to vendors that unlimited alcohol is a bad move? He literally wants to drink so much that his entire trip feels vindicated through the amount of money he would have paid to drink all of that sauce. It doesn’t work that way Evil Kyp!! Good Kyp played water polo and lit up the competition with 11 goals and 8 assists in a game to 21. There was a pool boy at our hotel who looked like Roberto Luongo so I got him to take a picture with me and we posted it on FaceBook. People nibbled on it hook, line and sinker. Dood loved it and tried to steal my wife from me. He came close until Evil Kyp almost drown in the pool so he had to save my life and forget about Ingrid for a second… Evil Kyp, so smart with the fake drowning move, so smart.
Gay Paris. Paris is the best place ever… EVER. Here’s your map of the city, there are districts that wind around like a snail, ride bikes to your destination, drop them off and pick more bikes at your next destination – WHAT!!?? The best. Awesome way to get initiated into a city by riding around it seeing everything. So much fun. Unreal cuisine, best architecture and everyone we talked to was super helpful. Stayed with our good friends Luke and Lucy which made our trip so much better because they are the two coolest people in France. Literally. Both young fashion designers killing it out there with such wonderful attitudes and outlooks on life. I lived with Luke in NYC and he was in my wedding party so we caught some good jokes and had some good talks. We want Luke and Lucy to adopt us. Our homey Taylor is running a cake shop out there, so you know we needed to sample the wares and I wanted to add to my little pot belly like the chick in Pulp Fiction liked so much. We also had a Royal with Cheese. You can get them in combo’s with 1664. U kidding me? Beer at McD’s!!? Last stop, the motherland, jolly old Londontown.
We stayed with Luke’s sister Colleen who is this funky personal trainer/ physiotherapist running the neighborhood of Shoreditch. They took us to a radical karaoke joint that was a cross from neighborhood old schoolers and the new hipsters on this up and coming trendy little area. EPIC!!! Some priest came in, got wasted and tore the fucker up! Another old dood did Afroman “Because I Got High” and destroyed it as well. I did something Foxxy and something gay. Kanye’s “Gold Digger” and George Michaels “Faith.” So much fun. Did a Bealtes walk, crushed some of the best curry and wished I could have stayed longer. Best honeymoon ever. Back to realty and back to work.
Big up to all of our friends and family who contributed to our vacation. Couldn’t have done it without the generosity. Best experience of our lives, thank you all so much.
- Newlywedrios